(I only began to edit this, but I wanted to release it in time for halloween, so here we are. I hope yo enjoy it in it’s primal state. It also was copy and pasted all fucked up, sry)
The last we heard from Stephen Crank and The Crank Boys"!, they were on the job with a total count of 5 men, all country boys in their own right. After the legendary award ceremony at The Route 3000 Highway and Country Land Town Hall, and a few weeks of hooting and hollering until the sun went down, as they each chest bopped each-other in their custom gold and mother of pearl embossed cow boy boot onesies, the boys realized the void they needed to fill in their life.
On a classic wild western night in the country underneath the stars amidst the tumbleweed blowing by, the 5 boys each confessed in synchronicity “Boys, we need to adopt us a dang cat.”
In synchronicity again “Jinx you owe me a soda”
The boys got stuck in a cycle of repeating the above, until after about 15 minutes of reiterating in synchronicity “Jinx, you owe me a soda” ,the boys finally broke it by saying in synchronicity as well,
“What kinda cat should we adopt!”.....”Jinx, you owe me a soda!
The 5 men said in synchronicity for a final time.
After thinking about it over a few rounds of that amazing new American soda brand, Pip Pop, the boys each gave their opinions on their ideal cat.
Although they claimed to owe each-other sodas, since it was always in synchronicity, it was really just a ruse to get themselves excited to drink a few cans of Pip Pop.
All 5 men sit around the campfire in a circle with the big dipper directly above their heads on this clear western night. Stephen begins.
Now there is something about these classic country nights with the big dipper and the beautiful stars directly above your head while the campfire is blazing that makes things feel a little more meaningful, but bear with me boys.
Good old Crank Boys"! Jim Donoldsburrough, Oscar Diddly-Doo, Peter Patterson, and Tip Toplet look on with the utmost respect in their demeanors.
“Boys I’m hootin for an American Long Haired cat, with a classic black and white coat and big yellow eyes. Maybe we can get it custom made cowboy boots and a cowboy hat and we can name it cranklet! Hoot, Holler!”
Stephen crank hollers with a giddy tone.
In a counter clockwise fashion, each of the country good ol boys agrees with their big boy Stephen.
“We will treat it so well, I will brush it every day and rotate between wet and crunchy cat foods. The cat will be very happy and I will turn one of my cowboy hats into a cat bed so that the sweat tinged leather will comfort it when we are gone.”
Jim Donaldsburrough said sincerely.
The other 4 men grunt and nod their heads in approval.
The circle disbands, and the fire mysteriously goes out like birthday candles after a wish was made. In the distance, they hear faint meows of a cat.
Ya hear that boys? If that aint the dang spookiest coincidence to happen in a few New York minutes, I’ll be danged.
Shouts a spooked Tip Toplet.
Yes indeed boys that was certainly spooky, infact it might be the spookiest thing to happen since the first time I ever saw a scary movie.
Confirms a spooked, yet comforted by the presence of his comrades, Oscar Diddly-Doo.
You good for nothing country men are going to hate me for this, but maybe we should band together as the Crank Boys, and go see if that is a lost cat, or a feral cat we have on our hands. Either way, we can help improve it s wellbeing just by our loving presence.
Calmly explains leader Stephen Crank, founder of the Crank Boys"!, and builder of the Crankland County Fort.
The boys willingly but nervously agree with Big Boy Stephen. They each form a single file line with Stephen Crank in the front. The boys don t have any lanterns, but it doesn t matter because as long as the big dipper is directly above their heads in the western sky, they will see everything just fine.
They continue in the directions of the meows.
As the boys draw closer to the meows, Tip Toplet is getting a weird feeling in his gut.
Boys& I think something is wrong..
Tip Toplet says, nervously
What s wrong Toplet? It isn t like you to get nervous around the sweet meows of a cat whether it is up close or meows heard from a distance. Tell me what s on your dang mind please?
Peter Patterson expresses concern for Mr. Toplet.
Is it just me boys, or are a bunch of claws coming from beneath this dry red western soil.
Toplet s voice trembles.
Hey, Tip Toplet, snap out of it. You re just not used to walking around without a lantern, don t let the night sky get the best of you, you filthy good for nothing country boy with a cowboy hat.
Patterson firmly says to Crank Boy Tip Toplet.
The meows are getting closer, the boys feel anxious with the anticipation of a potentially cute cat around the bend.
The meows are very close now, Stephen in the front feels something brush against his leg.
Aw hey their feller, whats yer name? Says Stephen to the cat which they were looking for.
I wish I knew what colors you were, I can t really make it out in the moonlight you lucky cat, we re going to take you home . Stephen says on the spot without asking his good ol boys.
The boys all get excited and start speaking in baby voices with strong wild western and southern accents all petting the cats gently, they would feel terrible if they were to startle the dang thing so they keep their excitement relatively quiet.
Does the little feller have a collar or something?
Peter Patterson says while feeling around the head of the cat to find it s collar.
Oh hoot n heck, the things got a dang collar! We ll have to see what it says on it to know what we re dealing with, but it is a bateen strange there was a cat out in the middle of the wild western night time desert, meowing.
Continued an intrigued Patterson.
The boys each take turns cradling the cat in their arms, simultaneously comforting the cat as the cat comforts the boys. They make their way back to the camp site, pack everything up, and then head back to their American pick-up truck that the Crank Boys are always driving around. Stephen takes the wheel, Peter Patterson rides shotgun, Donoldsburrough, Diddly-Doo, and Toplet ride in the back, and the cat sits on the dashboard. The boys turn on their brights on the ol dusty road heading back to the Crankland County Fort.
Who are all those men on the side of the road in ripped up plaid shirts and torn blue jeans that look particularly old?
Questions Peter Patterson.
They look like zombies with their arms straight out, blood dripping down their heads, with grey skin and their jeans are looking too old& boys they are zombies!! I m scared boys!
Says a frightened Jim Donoldsburrough.
Calm down boys, you need to have faith that the big dipper directly above our heads will guide us home, I don t know whats gotten into you boys, since when did the night sky ever scare you country men so much? I don t see any dang people or zombies. Just pet the cat a few times and relax.
Leader Crank says in a tough love kind of way.
There is an aura of uncertainty and fear in the back seat of the truck while there is confusion and concern in the front. The boys arrive at the Crankland County Fort, they all jump out of the car and the cat follows them too. After they are all inside they turn on the lights and take a good look at the cat.
Lord Almighty boys, the cat is a black and white american long hair, just as we had all wished for, this must be the work of the good old lord in the sky!
Peter Patterson hollers.
Amidst giggling, hooting, and hollering, the boys each pet the cat one time, two times, three times, and a final fourth time.
Stephen inspects the gold fishbone shaped tag on the red banded collar.
There ain t a hint of information on where the heck this dang cat comes from, it s name, or it s owners& I guess it s ours boys!
The boys all clap for the cat. Shouting Welcome home ya dang cat yippee yahoo!
After a thirty minute welcoming celebration, which includes a raw meat feast for the newly rescued cat, cheeseburgers and pancakes for the boys, a few rounds of Pip Pop, and a few rounds of rocks papers scissors. The boys hear a knock on the door.
Tip Toplet goes and answers the door. As soon as his hand turns the knob and is about to open the door, he starts to blurt out aggressively What to heck are you doing at the dang Crankland County Fort at these hours?! & Oh, theres nobody there.
Tip Toplet shuts the door and heads back to the boys. As he heads back, he hears a louder knock on the door. He heads back to the door.
What the hoot n heck is goin on here, is it dang kids? He swings open the door. What he sees nearly turns him pale. A 17 year old boy with blood all over his head, gray skin, white eyes without pupils, holding a raggedy and dirty teddy bear. He disappears into thin air in two seconds.
Tip Toplet screams in a high pitch while slamming the door, he runs back to the boys screaming while fluctuating between high and low pitches.
What s wrong Tip Toplet, what the heck was that nonsense all about?
Peter Patterson looks at him raising an eye, everyone the room is experiencing a euphoria because of the cat, looking at Tip Toplet with one raised eyebrow.
Boys! There was a ghost at the door! It had blood all over it s face and hollow white eyes without pupils and he disappeared into thin air! I m so scared what s happening!
Tip Toplet screamed sacredly hoping for the Cranksters to comfort him.
Calm down Toplet, you re just seeing things. How many cans of pip pop did you drink? The sugar and caffeine is starting to get to ya, that or you re eating too many cheeseburgers and pancakes.
Peter Patterson says to Tip Toplet.
I swear by my cowboy hat I m not seeing things! I ll put my hand on the good ol book and swear by god that I m telling the truth if you want to. This ain t the first time we ve been seeing some weird stuff. Plus you boys heard the knocks too, didn t yah?
A more collected Tip Toplet responds.
You re right, it doesn t explain the knocks. We all heard them& right boys?
Peter Patterson questions the boys.
They nod and grunt in approval.
The cat is cleaning the top of it s head with it s paw.
Leader Crank puts in his two cents.
Now listen here country men, and cranksters alike. I ain t one to be superstitious as I don t even believe in ghosts, and have been declared immune from paranormal activity. We got a doctor Crank Boy that specializes in hauntings. I believe the formal name is Hauntologist. Let s give that good for nothin country boy a call and have him test all of our blood to see if we got haunted on our camping trip directly under the big dipper in the wild western night time. I m going to call that son of a gun right now because we need to settle this, I can t have my country boys shaking in their cowboy bots in front of the new cat. While I am on the phone, grab that shoe lace and play with our new little Cranklet and let him bring a smile to your faces.
Stephen Crank is dialing 1-800-CRA-NKBOY to get the operator for the Crank Boy hotline, the fastest way to get in contact with each member of the Crank Boys"!. The boys are busy gushing over how cute the new cat is, playing with the cat, and petting it as well.
The call has been connected and Stephen listens to the dial tone and awaits an answer.
Y ello, this is Crank Boy Doctor Hoot Hollerson, md. in Hauntology speaking, how may I help you, Lord Crank?
Dr. Hoot Hollerson answered.
Got Dangit Hoot Hollerson I told you not to call me Lord Crank, I don t like that name! Do I really need to go over the list of approved nicknames with one of my very own boys?
Haha sorry Leader Stephen, I was just yankin your Crank, if ya know what I mean? It s 3 a.m, I get delirious when I m tired so let s get down to business, what brings you to wake me up with a phone call from the Crank Boy Hotline? I m fixin it s a serious matter down at the fort?
Hoot Hollerson responds with a creaky sound in his voice, alluding to his tired state.
Hoot, I m gonna give it to ya loud and clear, front and center, as dark as night and as clear as day, get your good for nothin western country self over here, as fast as a wild horse in the bright of day!
Yells Crank, holding the phone away from his ear, angling the bottom towards his mouth as he screams, practically spitting all over the dang phone.
To which Dr. Hoot Hollerson, Phd in Hauntology, responds with three words.
Be right there.
It takes all but one minute and three seconds for Hoot to scoot on over.
Hollerson barges into the Crankland County Fort, clad in a white doctors coat, a stethoscope around his neck, cowboy boots with spurs on his feet and a cowboy hat on top of his head.
He arrives to a scene in which Stephen, their new cat Cranklet , and Peter Patterson were in sync (nsync) while patting the scared boys backs, telling them it will be okay, while the cat would meow in a similar pattern as it s leader, while using it s paw to pat each of their backs.
He begins setting up shop in the kitchen among this mess of some Crank Boys"!.
Stephen interrupts his consolation of his boys, and approaches the doctor.
Hoot Hollerson, let me tell you, I may be quick with you sometimes over what name you call me, but you are reliable, and one heck of a country boy. I am so glad I can count on you and I am honored for you to be a member of the Crank Boys. I d like if you could get this done as quickly as possible to settle the anxiety here.
Hoot Hollerson responds, pulling out different types of test tubes and syringes for blood sampling.
Don t worry Crank, I didn t want my boys to suffer of this stuff called, fear, any longer. Neither of us ever feel fear, even amidst paranormal activity such as haunting. You may have been declared immune of hauntings, however, that doesn t mean that the environments near you can t be.
Hoot addresses the room while the boys are at attention.
Howdy Boys, you all know why I m here, we are all Crank Boys so we know each other inside and out, and that we can tell what each are thinking other with a simple look. So come on over here, I ve got four samples ready to go, I brought five, but I forgot Stephen Crank ain t getting haunted anytime soon. You can never be too prepared though!
The boys already look less scared, which is good considering that feeling fear can be detrimental for good ol boys like Jim Donoldsburrough, Tip Toplet, and Oscar Diddly-Doo.
All of the men besides Stephen, and Hoot, have their blood sampled in separate syringes, which were then deposited into a biohazard bag. In each separate test tube, a small amount of purple fluid is added, if it turns yellow, they are haunted, if it stays purple, it means they are clear.
Peter Patterson is the only one of the boys who isn t biting their nails in anticipation.
Hoot Hollerson is at work with his back turned, with small vapor trails above the test tubes.
Amidst a tense atmosphere, the results are in.
Well boys, it looks like you re all clear. It sounds like the haunting has traveled with you, based on the experience some of you had, claiming you saw& . Old men in particularly old ripped up jeans with grey skin and their arms stretched out forward, screaming for brains .
The boys look on in anticipation, Stephen and Pit Pat boy Peter Pattersons expressions seem a little diabolical, as if they are enjoying this.
Hoot Hollerson continues.
Something here that struck me though, is that, there is one extra little furry member that I m just meeting for the first time. I do have one extra syringe, and I am also moderately skilled in veterinary testing. It might seem funny to test this dang cat for a haunting, but, I could also tell if it s healthy. Whataya say Mister Crank?
Stephen sighs, the sigh directed at the name Hoot Hollerson referred to him as.
Fine, you know what you re doing, I flunked out of medical school while you graduated as a magna cum laude
Hoot Hollerson laughs in a high pitch, and snaps on some gloves and a mask, and jokingly approaches the cat like a mad doctor.
The cat is very calm, and seems to take a liking to Dr. Hoot, despite the assumption cats hate going to the vet.
He applies the liquid and runs a quick scan of the blood.
The results come back, showing that Cranklet is indeed healthy, as well as the haunting test.
Hoot Hollerson addresses the boys, with a more serious demeanor.
Boys, I got good news and bad news, which do you want first?
Tip Toplet replies: Good news first, bad news second, I need some good news, I ain t never been this afraid in my life!
Hoot Hollerson replies,
Calm your horses there big guy, here it is. Good news is that the cat s healthy, and that the cat is not a product of a haunting, but the bad news, is that on the contrary, the cat itself, is& . haunted. Also, it turns out Cranklet is actually a boy. In honor of that fact, I think we should start referring to him as Cranklet, for literary purposes.
Stephen Crank erupts
Well what in the heck are we Crank Boys"! supposed to do?! I ve got three men shaking in their boots, and one other man, as well as myself, who can t tell the difference between what s haunted and what isn t! I ve heard of houses being haunted, but not cats! What do we need to do, Doc, help me save my cat!
There is silence for a minute, at which point, Hoot Hollerson chimes in:
Well boys, you might not like to hear this, but with me having gotten a PHD in Hauntology, ye filthy boys better take what I m saying seriously. In the case of a living being having been haunted, I would need to shrink you down to microscopic size, and remove the haunting from lil Cranklet from the inside.
As if reading each others minds, all 5 men all begin looking at each other and nodding their heads in agreement.
Peter Patterson speaks,
Well heck, Hoot, how fast can you shrink us down? How long will it take to get our Crank Ray"! that you whipped up a while back? All of us good for nothing, god forsaken country boys are willing to die for this cat, as long as it means we can get save it from being haunted!
The boys, including Hoot Hollerson, who might I add is one of the boys, all let out some hoots and hollers, which are the Crank Boys"! version of a war cry. If it seems like Stephen and Hoot don t get along, they do, Hoot just likes to mess with Stephen, he finds his incessant need to go by a strict list of approved nicknames funny, especially because Stephen wasn t like that in his college years.
Well boys, I live two minutes away, we do live in the same fort, or rather, compound&
Stephen Cuts him off,
It s a fort! Not a compound! It s the crank land county FORT. F-O-R-T, FORT
Hoot chuckles, gets up from the couch, screams be right back fellers! , and sprints back to his pickup truck.
The tension is easing, and Jim Donoldsburrough, Tip Toplet, and Oscar Diddly-Doo each pick up their cowboy hats that they had in their laps, and put them on their head, in complete synchronicity.
It takes four minutes and three milliseconds for Hoot to get back to the boys. He takes out the Crank Boys"! shrink ray from the bed of his truck, and b-lines it for the door. Hoot may be a doctor, but he s still very strong, and the reason the shrink ray is Crank Boys"! brand, is because since most men are only 7 feet tall, they needed to jury rig their own custom ray to accommodate those 9 feet tall Crank Boys"!.
Peter Patterson opens the door before Hoot knocks.
Hoot busts in rushing past Peter Patterson, nearly decking him with the Crank Ray"! in the stomach, which would have caused him to be propelled across the room and through the wall of the kitchen at the Crankland County fort& but this is besides the point.
Boys, I brought the Shrink Ray! I did it boys! Hoot Hollerson hollers, with a tinge of vibrato due to the velocity he is running at forcing the air out of his mouth.
Hoot slams the ray down in front of a perfect row of Crank Boys"!, causing the room to shake just a little bit, while the boys stare on with pure awe.
Hawt dawg, how small do you think we re gonna git, boys? Tip Toplets hollers.
I bet we re gonna get smallr than a Dash Hound!
Belted Jim Donoldsborrough.
Hate to interrupt the excitement, but scientifically speaking, you will all be about 9 µm. Hollerson explains.
Um, what s that?
The Crank Boys question in unison, with a dumfounded expression on their faces, and their left hands on top of their cowboy hats.
Ehh, it s a micrometer, but leave the thinking to me, now remove your cowboy hats and boots, and step on in the shrink ray, one at a time.
Take off our cowboy hats and cowboy boots? Over my dead body!
The Crank Boys scream angrily in unison at Hoot.
Just kidding boys, you know I m a prankster, but I m a Crankster first, and we need to help Cranklet, so step on in, Stephen Crank! After your shrunken down, you should be able to see the little ship ye filthy dogs are gonna pilot, which I will insert into Cranklets bloodstream. Hoot explains.
Stephen steps into the shrink ray station, which looks like a body scanner you would see at the airport, but it is completely black on the inside of it to protect the subject of shrinking from a deadly amount of radiation.
Well boys, let s get down to business, and help this haunted cat!
There is a zap, and all of a sudden, stephen disappears.
Well, I guess this weird pirate ship lookin thing is the ship Hoot was talking about.. guess I ll take the commanders seat
Stephen says to himself, as the boys crack up because he sounds like one of those dang chipmunks on tv.
Stephen yells at the boys,
Just cause I m small doesn t mean I can t hear ye! Ye all better hurry up and shrink down to this size or I m gonna kick my cowboy boots around when this is over!!
The Crank Boys"! hear this, and immediately focus on the task at hand, and before you know it, one, two, three, and the final fourth Crank Boy is shrunken down to 9 micrometers. Since the boys are 9 feet tall, they have to be shrunken to 9 micrometers. it s easier for the person operating the Crank Ray, as it is still a work in progress and not perfect& such is life.
Hoot Hollerson is listening to the tiny Crank Boys hoot and holler with a grin on his face, simultaneously proud of his success in shrinking them, and how silly their voices sound, albeit, quiet voices for human men. You would t expect to hear something that was only 9 micrometers in height, but given they are men, and 2 feet taller than the average man, they are loud enough to be heard by a trained ear.
The Boys all board the ship.
Hey is it me or is this thing really tiny in here& .. but at the same time& is regular sized? Jim Donaldsburrough questions the boys.
Stephen Crank chimes in, Yes ya dang rapscallion, that all adds up. We re tiny, the ship is tiny, so really tiny things are normal to us 9 feet tall country boys
Hey leader Crank, I know you hate being corrected, but I think ye meant to say, 9 feet SMALL!! Oscar Diddly-Doo jokes
The boys all burst into laughter
Hoot Hollerson sucks up the ship in a syringe and injects the boys into little Cranklets blood stream.
The Crank Boys"!are now flowing through the cat s blood stream.
The boys all look around in wonder at the blood cells they are flowing with through the intricate veins of this cute little cat.
Hey boys, I m not going to lie, this has a country boy feeling a bit queasy in his boots. says a concerned Tip Toplet
Listen buckaroo, you ve got to pull your cowboy boots on a little bit tighter, hike up your johns. This ride s going to get wild, I need to make sure that one of my best men is ready and willing for this kind of a job, even if blood makes ye quesy. Stephen Crank says while looking endearingly into Toplets eyes.
Tip Toplet responds, Thanks Lord Crank, I actually feel a lot more calm now. I can make it through for you boys, as well as reaching new limits of what I can already do as a man and a country boy.
Thanks Toplet, but don t get me started with the nicknames. Let s at least wait until we are our normal 9 feet tall selves if we want to do some playful roughhousing& . and if it s not playful, we all know I d smack you down 9 feet underneath the ground! Stephen Crank says playfully
The boys all hoot and holler a little bit.
As the boys make their way through the cats blood stream, a particular floating entity catches Peter Patterson eye.
Excuse me but boys, is it me, or does it look like there is an evil pair of raw denim jeans with a witches cloak on, riding on a raggedy looking broom?
(Stephen Crank can’t see anything)
Tip Toplet, Jim Donoldsburrough, and Oscar Diddly-Doo look over in horror.
“Oh Gosh boys, those jeans are so scary!!! Ahhh!!” Screams a spooked Jim Donoldsburrough
“EEEeeee Gads!” Yells Tip Toplet
Stephen Crank looks back at his boys lifting one eye brow.
Peter Patterson shakes his head.
30 seconds of shock and horror go by, until the leader of the Crank Boys™ speaks up to his men.
“Well boys, we may not believe in guns, but we do believe in the way of the sword. Who wants to use my wonderful sword, the Timster, to slay this wicked pair of raw denim jeans that is haunting our poor and newly beloved cat?”
Donoldsburrough, Toplet, and Diddly-Doo start looking around anxiously; one of their biggest weakness, if it hasn’t been made obvious, is paranormal activity and spooky things in general.
“I’ll do it, after all, I am your right hand man” Says a stoic Peter Patterson.
“Well dang, I’ll be. I’ve been waiting for the day you’d swing the dang sword around. I know ye fellers are good at doing wrestling moves like the famous german suplex, but I’ve been thinking about getting ye all matching swords for our next Crankland County Hoedown™. So let me know how it feels in your arms.” Stephen Crank explains with complete and utter sincerity.
“I hope I won’t let ya down!!” Peter Paterson exclaims, as he exits the tiny ship, to confront and slay an evil pair of denim jeans that are wearing a witches cloak, and riding a broom.
Peter Patterson confronts the evil pair of raw denim jeans. He notices that it is wearing a really small witches hat. He takes mental note of this because he thinks it’s kind of cute.
The pair of jeans look over in horror, they know that denims worst nightmare is a blade made from the finest blacksmith in all of Crankland County.
“Hyaaaa!!” Patterson swings his sword, using his momentum to slice through the haunting, clean in two.
The denim jeans are sliced clean in two, emitting a nearly blinding, exploding light before it dissipates into nothingness.
As the light fades, Steph Crank opens his eyes to see the dust left from the pants exploding, and his right hand man Peter Patterson, standing tall in victory, with the sword he let him use. He feels very proud of Peter Patterson.
All of the boys look on with pride in their eyes, clapping and cheering “Yippee!! Peter Patterson has gone and done it again! That’s our boy right there!!”
Peter returns to the ship.
Everyone pats him on the back and tells him how good of a job he just did, amidst hooting and hollering.
Stephen Crank phones in to Hoot Hollerson on his walkie talkie, so that he can remove the boys, safely, from the cat.
“Yellow is this Hoot? Take us out of the dang cat! Mission accomplished!!”
Stephen demands happily.
Hoot Hollerson bursts out into laugher into the walkie talkie
“Hahaha you seriously sound like alvin and the got dang chipmunks, I can’t handle this. Sure thing Crank, I’ll get ya guys out of there. We need to get you guys back to normal size before things get too out of hand if ya catch my drift there partner!”
Hoot Hollerson sticks a hypodermic needle into the cat, and sucks up a little bit of it’s blood, so that he can safely remove the Crank boys from the no longer haunted cat. He squirts the blood onto a sterile petri dish. Hoot Hollerson can hear the boys hooting and hollering, but it’s very high pitched, quite remniscent of alvin and the chipmunks. He puts the dish into the Crank Ray™. He sets the Crank Ray to 9’, which is the exact height of each Crank Boy, including Hoot Hollerson. There is a bright light, and then one by one, the boys in all of their glory, appear back in normal size.
The boys hoot and holler quite heartily, hollering out “Yippee!! Wahoo!! Hoot! Holler!!”, before being interrupted by Hoot Hollerson.
Hoot: “Boys, don’t get too excited. We have to test the little bit of blood on the petri dish to make sure that the cat is no longer haunted.”
Stephen Crank impatiently but happily yells “Well hurry up dangit! What’s the hold up partner? Let’s get after it already!”
Hoot: “Alright Lord Stephen, I’ll bid your every command and I’ll just get this petri dish analyzed right quick for ye, ye salty dog ye.”
Stephen Crank jokingly warns hoot, “Listen here ye dang rascal, I already told you about the names once, I told ya two times, I told ya three, I told ya FOUR TIMES! I’m not even going to say anything next time, I’m just gonna pound you right into the ground where you stand!”
Hoot: “Alright ye bastards, all ye boys go sit down and I’ll be done analyzing this dish in about…. 10 minutes. Can ye filthy son of a guns leave me to my work or what?”
The boys all go sit down on the big Crank Boy Couch™. Cranklet wakes up his nap and comes down to the couch and jumps in Stephen Crank’s lap. The boys all crowd around the cat and start petting him, amidst the sounds of thick southern baby voice accents saying “Awww, Cranklet your such a cute kitty. We love you! We just destroyed a pair of evil jeans for you! We hope you aren’t haunted anymore”.
The boys are still distracted by the cat, when Hoot Hollerson comes down into the Crank Boys Lounging Room™.
Hoot yells happily, “Boys! Boys! You won’t believe it! The cat is no longer haunted! Cranklet’s good to go!”
Everyone hoots and hollers for a bit, the cat chatters a bit.
Everything is calm, until Stephen yells out in a surprised manor, “Woah what’s happening!”
Everyones attention draws to Cranklet, who is slowly increasing from the size of a regular fluffy house cat, into the size of a bobcat.
Cranklet meows happily and purrs, with the same cute high pitch as before.
Hoot Hollerson chimes in “I did some research, and I found out there was a haunting going around in the desert that only effects cats. It is known as “the Evil Raw Denim Witch”. It is really small, and in turn, makes the cat smaller that is being haunted. Cranklet just happens to be a normal big big boy, just like me and my favorite big big boys, the Crank Boys™.
Everyone smiles, hoots and hollers, say in unison “awww” while petting Cranklet™.
Stephen Crank yawns really big and then says “I dunno about yew boys, but I’m fricken tired. I think it’s high time to hit the hay. Good night boys, it was a good day, we got a really cute new Crank Boy in the form of Cranklet, a large black and white american long hair cat. He matches our size, and that is pretty dang sweet. We will whip up some pancakes tomorrow morning, plan for the Crankland County Hoedown, and enjoy another day of having Cranklet in our company.”
The boys all holler “Goodnight Partner!”
Stephen heads to his room while yawning again.
The boys all look at each other, and with one look, they all nod, and say “Good night boys!” to each other. They all head back to their rooms, and Hoot Hollerson heads back in his pickup truck to the medical section of the Crankland County Fort, where his room is.
Cranklet enjoys the night romping around and checking in the boys various rooms, occasionally yowling in hopes of someone coming to hang out with him. He’s a cat, cat’s are somewhat nocturnal, this is the natural relationship that humans share with a nocturnal creature.
The Crankland County Hoedown is afoot! Square dancing, dosi-do-ing, swinging your partner round and round! The Boys are all having fun at the hoedown, when all of a sudden, the lights go out, and there is a scream! What could possibly be happening at the Crankland County Hoedown?!
Find out in the next installment of the Crank Boys. Stephen Crank and the Mystery of the Crankland County Hoedown!